ILLITERATION!
by Eclipse Rose
Summary: DISCONTINUED since a long long time ago. Milanor learns to read, Gulcasa gets lost again, Kylier and Nessiah are up to something, Mizer is an Assassin, Russell is emo, the card manifestations are annoying... OH NOES, BRONGAA!
1. Chapter 1

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading! featuring Crack!Ficness, mentions of Gulcasa/Yggdra, light Cruz/Mizer and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), a crying Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 01

--

There were some times when being illiterate wasn't good (nor funny) at all.

Now was one of those times.

Milanor, also known as the Silver Wolf, the King of Thieves (and Fantasinia-Bronquia message boy, could you believe that?), was feeling horribly bored at the very right moment. The last message Gulcasa had written to his always dearest Yggdra was currently being read and responded to, so he had to sit and wait since he was in NO-STEALING TERRITORY.

So many beautiful things only beautiful because they would bring in LOTS of money to his crew... So many shiny things that you just had to have only to watch and watch and burn your eyes watching...

And so many books that the illiterate could die only to read once!

Why was he in the library, to start with!? He wasn't Roswell! He should be outside, feeding his kleptomaniacal needs with random things that were to be given back when Yggdra found out! But no, he just had to choose the library to spend his time in, right? Just had to choose to torment his poor misunderstood illiterate soul walking though walls filled with books!

...Some of which contained valuable information on methods of annoying your blond, effeminate, unoriginal best friend who went from thief to mercenary and joined the side you were going to fight in the future and almost died after being stabbed by a betraying fencer who later joined you because you saved his fiancée, your other best friend who helped you countless time even though she said she hated the person you were working for and who later almost died by making a suicidal attack to a pair of magical cannons AND your other best friend's brother who was always trying to kidnap the person you were working for and to hand her over to the side you were fighting only to gain money to buy shoes and who almost died because you slashed at him when he was raiding the base of a rebellious hunter who later joined you for helping him save his base and people... and on gardening.

Yes, Milanor liked flowers.

He loved them.

Not more than shiny and shinier things to steal and never sell, but still...

ANYWAYS! Here he was, walking through shelves filled with leather-bound books, scrolls and who knows what else. And Yggdra was busy with her negotiations, Kylier was busy taking care of her new griffon (what is a griffon rider without their griffon, I ask you?). Durant couldn't 'take care' of him since he was teaching the new recruits (what on Marietta's name did they need an army for?), Russell was too busy crying over not being able to see Flone. Roswell and Rosary were taking care of the roses in the garden, Cruz was bonding with Mizer (who had appeared one day with a bouquet of purple hyacinth saying he was deeply sorry for all the mess he had caused during the war). Elena was busy worrying over what to give Zilva for her birthday, Nietzsche was trying to learn how to make chocolate. And Inzaghi was nowhere to be seen. Why did everyone disappear/have something to do when he was BORED? Didn't they care about poor, little Milanor?

Probably not, nobody really cared for him since he was the main character and got maxed out around level 14 or so, and is a freaking SCYTHE/AXE USER; he was strong enough to care for himself. And ever since he had gone back to his 'HELLO! I have KLEPTOMANIA!' mode, everyone knew that paying him more attention than the usual 'take care for your things' kind would probably get something from you disappearing.

And, yes, the Silver Moon can't be called an axe. It's a scythe/axe hybrid (that's why it works against scythes). It was confirmed by Milanor himself in BattleField 1493.5.

Back to the matter in hand, Milanor was 1) bored, 2) inside a room filled with books he couldn't read and 3) with an urge to mess with Inzaghi.

Finally giving up, he decided.

"ALRIGHT! I'M GONNA LEARN HOW TO READ!"

This, of course, was heard everywhere in the castle, even outside. And all members of the disbanded Royal Army plus... three, could only laugh.

...Except for Elena. She is too polite to laugh.

--

Milanor wasn't called 'Silver Wolf' or 'Thief King' for nothing. He was the best in his trade. Meaning, if it came to being sneaky...

So, what do you think Yggdra felt when he began screaming behind her back?

...Let's begin retelling what happened before that.

Our dearest kleptomaniac had finally decided he was going to learn how to read. And he decided to go around asking every single soul to teach him. Starting for his always dearest Queen (who was currently planning her honeymoon with the Emperor, not that Milanor would tell that to anyone, of course).

And he had gone, sneakily, to her office, hid atop a shelf (full of books, mind you) and waited for the right minute.

Which came about two hours later. How long can a letter get, I ask you?

...By Yggdra, they are usually in a really long scroll/thick envelope.

But we are getting sidetracked, again. So, Milanor waited and waited and when the time finally came...

"Boo."

It wasn't exactly a scream. More like a creepy whisper, but for the always concentrated Queen Yggdra, it sounded like thousands of canons shooting near her ears.

"KYAAAA!"

"Woah!"

Let's just say falling from a chair isn't a very pleasant feeling, specially when you have just been scared half to death.

And Milanor fell from his hanging upside-down position (don't ask how he achieved that, it's one of his mad Stray Thief skills... probably) and hit La Pucelle in the way, dragging the both of them to the floor. Along with some ink. Needless to say, the result was quite... messy.

Once they had finally recovered their breaths from the scare and the fall, the Queen had laughed at Milanor's now cow-looking hair, and Durant had left after checking what was wrong (Yggdra screamed very loud when surprised... and from where did Durant come from, wasn't he training?), they both sat in soft sofas.

"So, was there anything you needed to see me for?"

"YES! Say, Yg- Queen Yggdra..."

Being called 'Queen' by Milanor was strange enough, Yggdra decided. She started getting concerned for her friend's well being.

"I want to learn how to read."

Two and a half hours before, Yggdra had been too busy reading and replying to Gulcasa's letter, so she hadn't heard the thief's previous declaration. And receiving the shocking new _now_...

"...What?," she asked confused.

"I want to learn how to read."

And that was enough to make La Pucelle faint.

--

Russell, in the meanwhile (wait, we were just with Milanor and Yggdra, what are we doing with Russell? Camera change?) was _crying_. And whining, and sobbing, and all that that comes along with crying.

Why?, you must all be wondering. Well, the story behind that is rather easy.

Remember the war? That long one war? The one in when most people in this fic almost died? Remember it? Ok, now we are in conditions of explaining everything to you. No, wait, not just yet. Remember Flone? Cute young woman, locked inside Karona castle as a hostage to get the Astral Fencer to work with the empire? Yes, that is the one and only Flone. Why bring her up?

She is engaged to Russell.

SHOCKING! But it's true! She is engaged to Russell, and they are going to get MARRIED! And what do Fantasinian laws say about marriage?

The bride and the groom shall not meet, under whatever circumstance is given, for 23 days before the ceremony.

...Stupid, ain't it? But it is the LAW! You know, with all that 'purification for your new life' rituals and other randomery, there is no way the future happily-ever-after couple can meet.

Besides, the bride has to get herself fitted in the Princess Fairy Tale dress, all relatives must be in presence and... there was one more, but I forgot.

So, Flone was away getting fitted, getting her parents blessing and all that wedding stuff, while Russell, poor abandoned Astral Fencer, was left crying in Castle Paltina.

"M-My dearest Flone!" Sobs here. "Where are you when this humble fencer needs you, my beloved Flone!"

Unfortunately, his speech capabilities have been reduced to 'dearest', 'Flone' and 'beloved', and any kind of word that may get between them to form a correct sentence. Well, not really correct, just...

Russell was crying, as has already been mentioned before, when he felt a sudden tap in his shoulder. And, being crying, he could only hang to the person and start crying even harder in their shoulder.

"Roswell!" That was said... very loud, almost incompressible. "What should I do!? My beloved is gone!"

And the named monochrome rose could only pat his shoulder... again.

"Calm down. It isn't like she is dead, right?"

"But-But SHE IS GONE!" The fencer cried louder, and sobbed. "What if her parents have decided that I am not worthy enough? What if a meteor falls over the church and we have to postpone the ceremony? WHAT IF SHE FINDS SOMEONE ELSE!?" When he screamed the last words, he looked really desperate. REALLY desperate, almost insane.

Of course, nobody could reach the insanity levels of Kylier, who ran to them with her new griffon in a tight squeeze. After yelling at Russell for being a cry baby, at Roswell for being male and at Yggdra's window for some silence, she left.

PMSing Kylier equals insanity. And insanity in a crying moment equals awkward silence and louder crying.

"NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME!"

And so, we leave crying emo Russell and Roswell. Alone.

Isn't that just too perfect for a yaoi scene?

--

"Alright then, Milanor. I consider it a just cause to teach you how to read and write, so I shall do it in the name of the Gran Centurio!"

That, of course, was our favourite peace loving Queen, Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz. She was sitting in front of Milanor, looking almost maniac. Sometimes she really likes to help people...

Milanor, for his part, was playing with his handcuffs. The bits of chain that came with them clanked together, making an amusing sound for Yggdra, who could tell the thief was nervous... scared, even.

"Yggdra, please... Change your face, you're creeping me out."

"Don't care! Now, let us be in our way to... THE LIBRARY!" She took out a wooden sword from its sheath and pointed in the general direction of the library with it. "Let us go, to the Sactuary of Learning!"

Sheathing the 'sword' again, she took Milanor's wrist (more likely the cuff) and dragged him along as she ran to her objective.

If Gulcasa was there, he would probably be thinking '_Oh, Gods, who gave her sugar?_'.

--

Kylier stared at her King and the Fantasinian Queen in amazement. How on earth could they be so close when they had only met about half a year ago? She had known him for eleven years already, he had been present in her first griffon ride, she had been there when he came back from prison, but...

She felt jealous. Milanor had never even let her _touch _his cuffs, yet for Yggdra it looked almost natural.

'_Don't do that, Kylier. You are giving me a headache.' _The usually mocking, mystic voice came into her head, scolding her.

'_Sorry, Ness. It's just, I'm so mad!'_

'_Well, calm down. And pay attention to the chibi, he is running away.'_

Effectively, her baby griffon had jumped from her arms and gone away running.

"AH! Ed, come back!"

And so, Kylier had to stop staring in amazement at the Special-Class duo.

--

Milanor sat at one of The Library's tables. Yes, not in a chair, in the table. He is an outlaw; he isn't supposed to have correct manners.

Yggdra looked through the window, giggled and went to get some books from some shelf. She then sat on a chair next to the Thief King.

"Alright, let's begin. Here." She handed over a pencil and a sketchbook. "That will be your notebook, so you better take notes, be it in stick figures or whatever."

"Ok..." Milanor was intimidated by her seriousness. Were teachers always like that? He couldn't remember... But then again, he never had any teacher besides Mizer, who could only teach him how to use skills.

He was scared. Scared of the insane Queen (not HIS Queen, note, he is an outlaw King, he doesn't bow to anyone). Scared of the mad Kylier who was currently glaring at them through the window, of the poor soul of that griffon. Scared of-

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Eh? Sorry, did you say something?"

"I asked you if you want to learn formal or traditional."

"...They're different?"

"Very. Formal has a few more characters than traditional."

"...I'm walking on flames here, right?"

"Sorry, Milanor. You have just fallen into hell."

And the thief decided that a teaching Yggdra is a mad Yggdra.

--

Let's switch cities, ok? Let's go to Flarewerk. To Dragoons and Ancients, Scarlet Princesses and Twin Valkyries, and who knows what else.

Emilia was lying on her bed, with 41 degrees Celsius of fever.

Meaning Gulcasa was currently in the usual angry/worried state we all know and love him for.

"What is wrong with you humans and your liking for giving me headaches?"

"Don't know, don't care." The Emperor paced around the room, playing with his hair. His face and posture showed his anxiousness. How CUTE! "What is taking them so long!"

"Probably... I don't know." The Ancient gave up, sighing, and went back to his book. "We should take her to Yggdra, she knows more of healing than the twins."

"What about you?"

"See my title? Fallen? Gives you any ideas?"

"..." Gulcasa sat in the floor (even though there were other chairs in the room) and rested his forehead on Nessiah's knee. "I think I'm going insane here."

"Sure you are." He patted the Emperor's head. "Go Genocide something, relieve the stress. I assure you, Emilia will be fine."

"Yes... I think I will go and do that..." He stood and started walking out. "Yeah... Genocide something... I will do that..."

Nessiah blinked at his retreating friend and sighed again. This was going to be a long day.

--

"It is not like that!" Yggdra took the pencil from her friend/FSS Commander (FSS meaning Fantasinian Secret Service) and wrote a neat and round 'a' on the sketchbook. "It is rounder, fatter. Imagine how 'ah' would be pictured, it isn't thin like this." She pointed to Milanor's 'a'. "Do it again."

"I don't understand. How can a circle with a tail sound like an 'a'? It's... illogical!"

"Thieves are illogical too. But this is an 'a', and when you see it, you know it's read like that." The Queen explained it to him as if he was a child just learning he wasn't supposed to touch fire. "Do it now."

She handed him the pencil and the thief took it in his left hand, inspecting it. Then he pressed it against the paper and tried to copy Yggdra's handwriting.

"See? You are getting better. Now, another vowel. The next one is an 'e'."

--

Kylier glared at the Queen through the window. How dare her, teaching the Wolf like he was a baby! Sure, the kid acted like one every time, but that didn't mean he was a fool. In fact, Milanor was one of the smartest people in the world... when it came to scheming.

And there Yggdra was, taking the Wolf's hand in her own and moving the pencil, probably writing down an elegant-looking 'e'.

'_Ness, I am developing a serious Aegina__/Luciana complex.'_

'_As in?'_

'_I want to kill Yggdra to reclaim what is mine.'_

'_...Aw, c'mon, not you too...'_

'_Help me here, Ness, I need you now.'_

'_...I can't refuse you... But no killing. Don't want you to end like Milanor.'_

Kylier grimaced at the memory, but went back to her mental conversation. _'Thanks, Oh Mighty Fallen One.'_

'_...Don't mock me, Sky Lady.'_

The tone of voice the angel used was enough to make the Griffon Rider burst in laughing, thus letting go of whatever she was hanging to and falling to the ground.

"GAH! Ah, damn, THAT HURTS!"

Elena, who had been walking in the gardens, looked down at her, a mint candy stuck in her mouth.

"Please do try to be more careful next time you fall from the second floor, Lady Kylier."

Said that, she left calmly, walking towards Rosary's rose garden.

Kylier could only stare.

--

Emilia was having a rather... interesting conversation with herself. Both Luciana and Aegina gave extra points for that.

"And see that, Emilia? That is an FPHwaS, also known as Flying Purple Hippo with a Sword. His name is Russell. And that one is called Inzaghi, a FYHwaS. Both of them are really nice, but the FPHwaS stabbed the FYHwaS almost to dead one time. Ain't that just too bad?"

"Emilia, it's time for your medici-" Luciana started, but was knocked off her feet by a sudden Genocidal Emilia explosion.

"I DON'T WANT IT!"

And with that, the Twin Valkyries decided Brongaa's blood was a little too insane.

--

Brngaa's blood... Gulcasa... Our dearest Emperor of Clownage. What is he doing now?

Well, we left him after accepting Nessiah's advice to go Genocide something. Sure thing, he went outside and looked for something to Genocide.

Unfortunately for him, we all know how he is completely useless without his sister, the twins or Nessiah, or basically anyone who lived with him. Let me tell you a secret Gulcasa fact (Nº 1):

**He has got no sense of direction.**

You read that one right. And that explains secret Gulcasa fact (Nº 2)

**He fears being alone.**

That said, let's go back to whatever is going on.

Gulcasa was currently walking through Lost Aries.

You read THAT one right. He was in Lost Aries, lost. Useful, ain't he? And he was scared. Horrible scared. Ishtar herself was also scared, but she managed to find her way into civilization before her master went berserk.

"Excuse me, lady." He approached a young woman playing with a baby griffon. "Do you know the way to Flarewerk? Or at least to Paltina, or Karona?"

"Why, yes, I do. However, Flarewerk is a few days from here."

Gulcasa had enough pride to not faint while she gave the indications.

How on earth had they managed to ride a few days of travel in only one?

--

Nessiah, meanwhile, was 'looking' at the sky, reading the time.

"He is late... Where are you, Gulcasa?"

--

And now it is time to introduce you to the mad adventures of the hunter duo, loyal companions of Bronquia's ambassador in Fantasinia. That's right, it's them, MIZER AND CRUZ! Or Cruz and Mizer, whatever fits you the best.

They are currently sitting, drinking some tea.

"This tea is most delicious, Mizer. How did you manage to do it so sweet without being over sweet?"

"That is my mother's special recipe, Cruz. I hope you like it, I made it with love."

Two sips of tea later...

"Say, Cruz."

"Yes, Mizer?"

"Shouldn't we be getting out of here?"

"Indeed, we should, my dear friend."

TOO LATE! The island/whale they were drinking tea on started sinking.

"I think we are sinking, Mizer."

"Indeed we are, Cruz."

And both hunters laughed like perfect English gentlemen.

--

ANTARTIQUE/ECLIPSE ROSE REPORTING!

CHAPTER ONE DONE! OH NO! 9.5 page in word in TNR 12. TOO SHORT! xD

There is an explanation to everything... Not really, but there should be. Don't get mad at me for pulling so many Ferals. xD But I messed around with Milanor, Kylier, Mizer and Inzaghi A LOT, so I will probably be writing a past fic (a serious one, if I can) on them. MUAHAHAHA

Whatever, Yggdra Union is not mine. I hope I had... CANAAN! Yeah, go you, Canaan! Nobody knows you, but I don't care! mad laughing ...but I don't own YU. It belong to Sting and Atlus. Go them.

And go Milanor too. And Roswell, and Cruz/Mizer. And ENGLISH GENTLEMEN! They are so polite, and their laughs are so... !!! No offence to English gentlemen, I love them, but-

SEE YA SOON!

Random fact of the week: Malice (Riviera persistent villainess) + Mizer (YU persistent villain) MALICE MIZER! mad laughing again Best band ever, go and get their disks!


	2. Chapter 2

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading[featuring Crack!Ficness, light Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 02

--

Night fell on the Fantasinian's shoulders, and the door to the library slowly opened. Milanor stepped out of it, carrying Yggdra bridal-style. The Queen had finally gotten rid of the sugar in her blood, and crashed about ten minutes ago.

"Right. Let's fall asleep on Milanor. Even if he's Bronquian, there is no way he will abandon me in the library, right? I'm the Queen after all." He was mocking La Pucelle, using a really high falsetto voice. And he was also trying not to lose himself: when mad, he was quite scary. "So, let's make Milanor carry me to my room! Wee!"

"Sir Milanor?" The soft, timid voice of the FSS assassin squad leader came from the hallway, behind him. The smell of mint filled the air.

"Those things are bad for your health, Elena." Milanor turned around, smiling at her. "You could die."

"Dying or not dying, it is the same anyways." Her stare lowered to look at Yggdra. "Why are you carrying her?"

"She fainted. Walk with me?" Elena nodded eagerly in response. They started walking towards the Queen's chambers. "So, how are things going with that present?"

"It is getting really hard to think of a correct gift for Master Zilva. I-I don't know if I should give her anything at all."

"Heh. If you think so..." He quickly changed the topic to something less important. "Anyways, have you seen my Moon? I kind of lost it in the morning..."

"I have seen one moon, over there." She pointed up at the sky through one window. "But your Moon, I have not. Maybe it was taken away by the Queen?"

"Yeah, maybe..."

An awkward silence filled the halway, only broken by the sound of the steps on the stone.

"I saw Lady Kylier falling from the library's window today." Elena was so calm, almost as if discussing the weather. However, Yggdra almost hit the floor.

"W-What!?"

"She looked fine, though. Cursed a bit, but nothing more." The assassin pulled another mint sweet from her pouch and unwrapped it. "I wonder what was she doing up there..."

They finally arrived Yggdra's quarters. Elena opened the door in a swift, thief-like motion and stepped inside.

"Probably spying on Yggdra again?" Milanor stepped inside, followed closely by his second-in-command. He turned on a magic-ed lamp with a one-line Rosary spell. "It seems to be her hobby, as of late."

"Some kind of hobby..." She stepped forward and pulled the covers back. The thief carefully laid the Queen in the mattress. Elena pulled the blankets to cover La Pucelle. "Shouldn't we strip her?"

"That's Gu- Forget it. We'll leave it to her maids."

Both of them left the room, closing the door behind. They started walking once again towards their own quarters.

You read that one right, too, THEIR quarters.

--

'_Ness, help me here.' _

'_What now... I'm trying to forget the fact Gulcasa isn't here right now...'_

'_Aw, is poor Ness-chan scared his Dragoon isn't with him?'_

'_Shut up, suicidal thing.'_

'_...Whatever. Now, help me here. Tell me, how can a _Bronquian_ ambassador be Commander of a _Fantasinian_ unit? How can an _outlaw_ get to be _ambassador_? How can an _ambassador_ turn into _message-boy_?'_

'_...That, my dear Kylier, is a really good question.' _

--

Morning came WAY TOO FAST for Russell and Roswell. The purple haired man groaned, trying very hard to not hit the necromancer while untangling himself from whatever mess they made.

"Note to self, never sleep with Roswell again."

...Let's recall what happened last day and night.

Russell was being all emo because he lost his Flone, right? So, Roswell went to comfort him, Kylier appeared and then Russell was even MORE emo! How fun.

Rosary appeared and gave them both the orders to stop bonding in front of her, it was disgusting to see males hugging each other ("Except for Milanor and Inzaghi or Mizer and Cruz, maybe Nessiah and Gulcasa too... But not you two!").

The fencer and the necromancer had gone up to the former's room and played cards. Roswell, unfortunately, drank his sleeping pills that _somehow _managed to get into his cup. So, the effeminate male (not the blonde one) went to sleep in Russell's bed.

A really big bed, if you ask me. But Russell has the weird custom of cuddling with whoever is in bed with him, be it a baby, Flone, a team mate or whatever.

AND they ended up entangled along with the sheets and the blankets and the covers. And their hair. Poor hair.

Russell heard a mumbled 'g'd m'ni' from besides him. He turned his head to look at his friend.

"Slept enough?"

"I think..."

Blue stared into red. The fencer dropped his head on the pillow to be eye-level to Roswell.

Then they both burst in laughter.

--

Inzaghi blinked as he went by Russell's closed door. He could hear the laughter of Milanor's team mates from inside, both the purple haired fencer (hippo, Emilia would say) and the effeminate necromancer... Roswell, wasn't it?

"Insane people..." He sighed, bowing his head in resign.

Bad move. His hair went to his eyes and while he was moving them aside...

"INZAGHI!"

'_, I've been found! Inzaghi, retreat now!'_ But his body didn't answer. He just stayed there for half a second.

Pale, cuffed arms circled him from behind and turned him around. He found himself staring into blue eyes with marks underneath. Unfortunately for him, Russell and Roswell, the eyes were narrowed.

"Hey, ba-"

"Don't 'Hey, baby' me, you lazy mercenary!" Uh oh, Milanor was mad. Really mad. If that didn't activate his Wolf genes, then nothing would. "Do you know what time is it? Do you know how long was I searching for you yesterday!?"

"Eh... No?"

"Well-Well! You could have at least told me where you were going!" Uh oh again, he was getting teary-eyed.

"Hey, Milly, c'mon baby calm do-"

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED, YOU DARE DISAPPEAR ON ME, YOU INSENSATE, INSENSIBLE FENCER!" Uh oh, once again. He was in rant mode A. And Inzaghi could only listen to his King's ranting, tunning it out. How he hated that... Oh, he was still ranting. Must have some lungs... "...AND IF YOU THINK I'LL EVER FORGET THIS, YOU ARE SO WRONG, ING-"

"I think that's enough, Milly, baby." The blonde mercenary kept his hand in the thief's mouth, his other going down to grab the oh-so-pretty cuff. "Let's go talk about this elsewhere."

"Mmph-mmph!" Milanor struggled for freedom while he was dragged through the hallway.

"Don't know, don't care. Now, walk."

--

Russell and Roswell were still too shocked to speak. They had just heard a... really interesting conversation outside the door.

"...Russell?"

"Yes, Roswell?"

They stayed silent for a few more minutes, until the necromancer dared to speak.

"Milly?"

That made them both crack down once again.

--

He walked past another town built on stakes. How could this people live atop _water_? It was just... Illogical!

Welheim itself was illogical. How could a place make a barrier for those not of Royal blood or the Pope? It didn't make any sense.

Not that Gulcasa cared about it, anyways.

...What is he doing in Welheim? Well, he rode all night trying to reach Flarewerk or at least Karona, but somehow managed to cover two weeks of travelling through Fantasinia and Nyllard and get to Welheim. In one night.

He is magical. He is blessed with a 'high-speed to get to random places' spell.

Can you say 'lost'?

--

'_KYLIER! Gulcasa hasn't come back YET!'_

'_Calm down, Ness-chan, calm down...' _

'_But he left yesterday, around midday! He just went to Genocide something and now he's gone! GONE! He could have gotten killed, kidnapped o-'_

'_Nessiah, he's Gulcasa! Gulcasa of Bronquia! The Emperor of Clow- Carnage! He WON'T be getting kidnapped anytime soon!'_

'_...You said the same about Milanor.'_

'_...That's a special case. And he was captured, not kidnapped. Now... Don't you have any tracking powers or something like that? As in, to balance the blindness?'_

'_I DON'T! AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! HELP ME!'_

What can we assume by reading this conversation?

Yes, Kylier does have a headache, anything else?

...No, she isn't eating cake.

Why, yes, Nessiah is sitting in his bed, holding his head, sobbing. But that's Nessiah, you won't be seeing him like that.

--

Emilia was... allucinating once again. Well, not really, just... speaking really random things about a dragon and an angel... and undines.

"Nietzsche-chan..." The Scarlet Princess raised a hand to catch an unexistant something. "Help me... I'm dy-dying..."

Aegina and Luciana looked at each other and decided it was time to get Yggdra, even though they hated her.

"...It hurts..." Then, all of sudden, she sat up, panting heavely but still able to vocalize a sentence. "I WANT A COOKIE, NIETZSCHE; DON'T EAT THEM BEFORE ME LIKE THAT!"

"...I think... she has gone insane."

"No, really? Maybe she is dying."

"...Let's go call the priest."

"...Maybe getting some medicines would work better."

"Aegina."

"Aye?"

"You have the brightest of the ideas."

"Thank you, Luciana."

--

Inzaghi looked down at his sleeping King. He was right, had always been: Milanor was a baby. Who else falls asleep after entering an annoying ranting mode? Only babies!

'_Such a troublesome little brat...' _He started petting the thief's hair. _'Why on Saezer's name did I ever join him for...?'_

And why did he have to take care of him when he fainted? Every single time, it was Inzaghi's job to drag Milanor somewhere safe and watch over him until he woke up. It was getting tedious!

"Stupid fainting spells... Stupid Kylier. Stupid Mizer. Stupid Maxwell..."

His cursings would have gone on forever and ever and ever IF there hadn't been a knock on the door.

"Sir Inzaghi, have you seen Sir Mi- OH!" Elena entered the room hurriedly, closing it behind her. "Don't let Queen Yggdra see him sleeping; she is really mad at him for forgetting his lessons."

"...Lessons?" The day before, when Milanor had given his announcement to the world, Inzaghi had been somewhere in some forest being lazy. "Lessons on what?"

"On reading and writing."

The mercenary blinked up at the blue-haired assassin.

Life in Paltina was just getting weirder and weirder.

--

Kylier opened the door the FSS commanders' quarters. Well, not really, because she just entered the common room. It would be too bizarre if Elena and Milanor shared a room, right?

What was she searching for? Well, Gulcasa was lost, Nessiah didn't have any tracking spells, so to find the Emperor they would have to use the oldest of the methods.

Hunting dogs. Or, more accurate, wolves.

She would owe a big one to Milanor if any of the wolves accepted her request. But she didn't care, everything was for Ness-chan, after all.

The griffon rider went, tip-toeing, to the thief's door. It didn't hurt to be careful. She opened the door quietly, stepped inside and closed it again.

Getting inmedately attacked by Acracia.

"KYAAA!"

--

Yggdra heard a scream in her dreams. A really loud scream. And she woke up from her random sugar-eating trance.

"Kylier!"

The Queen threw on a bath robe and ran outside...

Only to trip on Gulcasa.

"...Hello, Yggdra."

"...Hello, Gulcasa."

Geez, what an awkward moment.

--

Milanor was woken up by a scream coming from his room.

"Kylier!"

He sat up and made a motion to run to his friend (some rooms away, mind you), only to be stopped by a pillow.

"Don't move, baby."

"But Kylier could be in danger!"

"Don't know, don't care. Now, down."

Poor Thief King, he has to obey his own subordinates.

--

Kylier was being dog-kissed by a wolf. Not the most pleasant of the experiences, but she was used to it.

"Yes, yes, hello to you too, Acracia. Do you mind?"

And wolf got off her. The green-haired woman promptly left again.

--

"Elena was here a while ago, baby."

"Don't call me baby. What did she say?"

"She mentioned something about you wanting to learn how to read."

"So?"

"What do you know?"

"Well..." Milanor took out the sketchbook and showed it to the thief gone mercenary. "So far, Yggdra taught me the 'a' and the 'e'."

"...I see." Inzaghi looked thoughtful for a while.

For a long while. So, to snap him out of his 'trance', the thief reached for him and stole his hair tie.

"HEY! That's mine!"

"You were taking too long, it's mine now!"

--

Gulcasa, now knowing where he was, and Yggdra, dressed in a really quick attire, were sitting in the Queen's office. A random maid had brought them some tea and cookies, seeing as the Emperor had eaten nothing more that Genocide'd souls since yesterday.

"You got lost again?"

"Eh... Kind off... Emilia got ill, and I got stressed." The Dragoon rubbed the back of his neck with an expression that would have made 'aww' even the coldest assassin (as in Zilva). "Nessiah suggested to go Genocide something, and I..."

"Somehow got to Welheim?"

"...To Lost Aries first..."

"And you managed to travel almost a month and a half worth of riding in a night... how, exactly?"

"..." He bowed his head. Mad Yggdra is bad Yggdra, he had learned that the hard way. "I don't know?"

"USELESS EMPEROR! HOW CAN YOU BE DISTRACTED SO EASILY!"

"Iaaaa, don't yell at me!"

--

'_Lieutenant Kylier reporting, ser. We have found the target.'_

'_Very well. Accomplish your mission with care.'_

'_Roger that. Should we use brute force against the obstructive object?'_

'_Negative.'_

'_Understood. Kylier out.'_

...That one was really random.

--

And NOW it's time to introduce to you, once again, the adventure of the MAD HUNTERS!

On the last chapter, we admired the beauty of nature as they drowned together with an island/whale. They were drinking tea, and the tea drowned along with them, getting mixed with salt water.

What will happen now? Will they be alive? Are the cookies wet? Or have they gotten out beaten to death?

"Mizer. Mizer! Do you copy me?"

"Ugh... What kind of bomb did the enemy throw on us, Cruz?"

"A water bomb. This could end up being dangerous. Any injuries?"

"Negative."

Both huntes stood up, only to realize...

"GAH! What happened to my clothes! And my shoes, where are my shoes!"

"Mizer, Mizer! Calm down!"

"I'm dressed like an Assassin! What were you expecting!? I won't stay calm when something like this has happened in my sleep!" The green haired hunter-turned-assassin covered his mask with his claw, glaring at a random space. "They shall not come back unpunished..." He took his crossbow and sneaked away from Cruz.

"Mizer! Mizer, wait for me!"

The rebel followed the bounty hunter, who turned around. Unfortunately, Cruz tripped and fell on his partner...

Crashing their lips together.

From some random corner in the random cavern they were in, Rosary took photos. Magical ones.

--

OH NOES! Random yaoi moment at the end! And some random Inzaghi+Milanor interaction. We introduce Acracia for the first time, as well as the main antagonist/matchmaker. More lost Gulcasa (but now he knows where he is!). Probably next chapter will hold some random G/Y fluff. Nessiah and Kylier stole some time too, but Emilia is still ill. The twins are insane, Russell and Roswell slept together and Nietzsche stole Emilia's cookies. I want those cookies. No Durant! Elena is being insane with her mint and Milanor didn't learn anything!

What shall we see next chapter? Well, wait for it.

...This really sucks. Short, crappy, written in, what, three days? Hey, I was 'inspired'. Maybe I should rewrite it... You people tell me!

Maa, ja ne, minna-san!

Random 'fact' of the week: Wolf genes? Aye, Milanor has those. Seeing his appearance, my mind decided that it wouldn't look THAT bizarre if he randomly sprouted a tail and ears. Have you seen his face? Geez...


	3. Chapter 3

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading [featuring Crack!Ficness, light Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 03

--

"Alright! That's the 'i'." Inzaghi drew yet another 'i' in the sketchbook. "It's the representation for 'ee'. Meaning it's thin. Yes, it's thin. Don't you just love the 'i'? Say Inzaghi, baby."

"Fool. Milanor also has an 'i' too. So does Nessiah, and Nietszche."

"But mine has TWO 'i's."

"...I hate you."

--

"Alright. We cannot let you leave all alone, because who knows where you will end. Milanor departs again four days from now, you'll go with him."

"What!? With Milanor!? But, he's creepy!"

"No more than you. And you will go with him. I have spoken. Now, do you want more tea?"

"Yggdra..."

"Don't 'Yggdra' me, Gulcasa. It won't work." The Queen glared at him while serving the tea. "Now, let's see..." She took out some papers in a folder labelled 'Phoenix-Dragon Alliance'. "About this."

"..." He looked at the folder silently, before reaching into his pocket. He stood up. "Queen Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz."

She stared at him, shocked by the sudden change of mood. She went over to stand in front of him. "Is there something wrong, Emperor?"

"I, Emperor Gulcasa of Bronquia, on this day and in the castle, request for your hand in sacred marriage." He took out a small, velvet box from wherever he keeps his things and opened it, revealing a platinum ring with small diamonds. "Will you accept my proposal, my Queen?"

And Yggdra was too shocked to speak.

--

'_The dragon has roared.'_

'_Took him time.'_

Kylier peeked through the window to Yggdra's office, seeing the Queen standing still in front of the Emperor. He held a nice, expensive engagement ring in a nice, expensive box.

She felt jealous again.

'_Are you ever going to give me a nice ring, Ness?'_

'_Why do you want a ring for?'_

'_Don't they simbolize bond?'_

'_...Fine. But you get me something too.'_

'_O' course, Ness. The phoenix has taken the bait.'_

'_Excellent...' _Nessiah though, sounding evil. Then, he cracked in a mad laughter of pure born madness.

Kylier shook her head and went back to look through the window. Yggdra had her arms around Gulcasa's neck and was kissing him, the Emperor kissing back.

"Eww, this is disgusting." Without more thought, she hid her eyes from the scary sight.

_--_

Gulcasa slid the ring into Yggdra's finger and then lifted her hand to kiss it.

"May the gods bless you, my Queen."

"And your soul too." She smiled up at him. "But now I have to leave, my Emperor."

"Go ahead."

With one last kiss, she left, closing the door. Gulcasa sat in the desk and sighed.

"That went well." Kylier has already opened the window and jumped inside. "Nessiah says congratulations."

"Must you spy on me everytime we see each other?" He stared at her in a creepy Gulcasa way. "It is annoying."

"All I do for your well being and you thank me like this? Soul less dragon!"

"Shut up!" He went to choke her –Nessiah's representation on Paltina- but ended up in a weird head lock. By a woman shorter than him.

Poor pride...

--

"And that's the 'u'. Now, there's one more letter that is sometimes used as a vowel, which is the 'y'."

"And why do I have to learn about it?"

"Because. Just because." There was a knock in the door. "Come in!"

The door opened, and Yggdra's beaming face appeared.

"Milanor! May I have a word with you? Hello, Inzaghi."

"Hello to you too, Miss." The blondes bowed to each other while the thief stood up.

"What is it?"

"Outside." The Queen reached to take his wrist and dragged him outside of the room and to the corridor. "Let's go, hurry up!"

"H-Hey! Wait!" Milanor almost tripped, but regained his balance and started running at the same speed she was. "What's with the hurry?"

In the distance, Inzaghi shouted "Have fun!" and went back into his room. He felt so alone now...

--

Elena was walking through the corridor when something caught her eye. Assassin clothing in the middle of the hallway! That must mean...

Someone was skipping training!

"Hey, you!" Yelling without raising one's voice, a special Elena trait. She approached her, charging her crossbow. There was something weird about this assassin. "Are you new?"

The 'new' assassin turned around. She had a pretty face, green hair and light brown eyes. There was something unexpectedly familiar about her, though...

"Ah! Elena!" The recruit approached the commander, looking surprised. "Sorry for bothering, but have you seen my-"

"I'm sorry, but recruits should be training at this time. Please come with me." Elena took the recruit's wrist and began dragging her away.

The recruit almost tripped, but regained her balance. She was clearly confused about something, but the commaner's eyes were fixed in the hallway.

"Wait! I'm no-"

"Please do keep your voice down. We have ill people in these rooms."

From the corner, Rosary chuckled madly as Mizer was taken away.

--

Russell and Roswell were sitting in a bench in the gardens, drinking some morning tea.

Well, to tell you the truth, it could easily go as afternoon, midday, midnight tea... The times are mixed up in this story. But that's something we shall see later on.

"In four days we're leaving for Bronquia..."

"Again."

"Yeah... But, what if Flone sends a letter in the meanwhile? It will arrive here! Not Flarewerk! And if I don't answ-"

"Russell."

"Ye-Yes?"

The necromancer patted his drinking partner's head with his staff. "Don't worry about that."

"Right. You're right. We should be worrying about Ishtar eating Rosary's roses, instead."

"Yeah, that could be calami- WHAT!?"

Roswell quickly stood up, summoned a few skeletons and went to try to stop the Emperor's dragon from destroying his cousin's garden.

"Yes, stopping Ishtar takes priority..." Russell took a sip of tea and served another cup with the other hand.

"That's quite an skill you have there..." Cruz sat besides him, taking the served cup in his hands. "You think you can wield a crossbow and a sword simultaneously? It could be one useful force..."

"We aren't warring any longer, Cruz. But, I think I could if I tried hard." Then he noticed something missing. "Mizer?"

"He got stolen away... He's an ASSASSIN now!"

Upon hearing that, the fencer could do nothing else than laugh.

--

"So, you're gonna get married."

"Yes."

"To Gulcasa."

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

"That's..." He couldn't take it any longer. He hugged the now-engaged girl/woman in front of him tightly, crying of emotion. "That's great news, Yggdra. Great news."

"Milanor?"

"I-I never thought I would live to see you married... My dearest Yggdra." He leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sitting, with the Queen nested against his chest. "I'm so happy for you."

That made it. The thief had lost it. "Milanor? Why-"

"My sister is going to get married..."

'_So that is it...'_ She leaned more on him and returned the hug. "Yes, I am."

In the far off card dimention, Brongaa, Vanessa and Saezer were crying their hearts out.

--

Maxwell time! If you haven't met Maxwell, I'll introduce him to you. This is Maxwell.

"Hello!"

He's the Flunky you use in Battlefield 01. He has also done spying missions for Milanor a lot of times, and went with him as one of the five generic flunkies. It was a really nice job.

Now, what does he do in the times of peace?

"Miss!"

That's right! He acts as a living target for the FSS assassins! And for Leon, but we won't go there.

Of course, he, being Maxwell, was the very first, and only, person to realize the new recruit was a) male, b) a hunter and c) Mizer. But he enjoyed making fun of his King's companions.

"What's this, you can't use a crossbow?"

"You shut up!"

"Ah! Why should I? I'm third in command, remember?"

"Maybe in the FSS, but what about in the pack, eh? You hold a lower position than me!"

"That will change, Mizell! It will change! And MISS AGAIN!"

"Damn you! And don't call me Mizell!"

--

Gulcasa had gotten lost inside the castle. He had gone through many rooms, seen many things and even tripped sometimes, just like a lost person would.

He had seen, for example, Milanor's head on Yggdra's lap while he slept and she brushed his bizarre silver hair with her fingers. To add to the cuteness, she had somehow gotten furry wolf ears and put them on his head.

That just screamed infidelity, but this was Gulcasa, one of the few who knew what Milanor's and Yggdra's TRULY relationship was.

He had also seen Cruz and Russell drinking tea watching his dragon eat Rosary's roses, while Roswell and a bunch of skeletons tried to stop her (the dragon). That was seen through a window, because if he went outside, he was sure to get lost again.

He had also seen Inzaghi and Rosary talking to a demonness about the bizarre couples in the castle, Mizer shooting at Leon's new toy and Nietzsche eating coo-

Wait.

He had also seen INZAGHI and ROSARY talking to a DEMONNESS about bizarre COUPLES in the castle.

Oh, Brongaa, that couldn't be good.

--

Vanessa, o', almighty Lady of the Underworld, was currently trying very hard to descipher what these pathetic humans were saying. None of them had the same accent of Milanor, her common summoner, who had a rather wolfish way of speaking. And she had only bothered to learn how to descipher him. Too bad.

She knew one thing, tough. They were trying to set up random couples within the castle's walls. Well, the white woman was. Inzaghi had been pulled along because 'women needed to stay together' or something like that. What was womanly about the blonde fencer, only Rosary could see.

The demonness sighed. Fortunately for her, Saezer appeared besides her.

"The brat wants to see you." And he vanished again. He was probably lying, Milanor never wanted to see her willingly.

But enough chatter, she had to go now. So, bowing goodbye at the white woman and Inzaghi, she left through the window.

--

Milanor sat besides Yggdra. They were being lazy, like everyday. Anybody who saw them wouldn't have guessed they were two of the highest authorities in Paltina. Ever since the end of the war, they had found out the great fact: when not fighting, there was nothing fun for either of them.

"Wanna go shopping?"

"With Mizer?"

"With Nietzsche."

"Even worse."

"..."

"..."

"I'm bored, Yggdra..."

"So am I... HEY! Shouldn't you be studying?" She stood up and took her wooden sword. "You are being too lazy, if you want to learn how to read, then you have to study!"

"But-"

"No buts!" She helped him stand up and was annoyed when he lost his footing. "No falling! To the library, now!"

"But Yggdra...!" Just then, a Savior with a demonness appearance appeared in front of them.

"Excuse me, my Queen. I need to take him away."

"Hello to you too, Vanessa. Please do make sure he heads to the library afterwards." Yggdra turned around and left while sheathing her sword.

Silence took over the room, and the Wolf and the Demon sighed afterwards.

"You learning how to read means the apocalypse, Milly."

"DON'T CALL ME MILLY!"

--

And, because the author got lazy, it's time to present to you...

THE MAD HUNTER ADVENTURES!

In our last episode, we saw a really nice kiss scene, quickly labelled as an accident by both parties. Now, both hunters have been separated! One is being bullied by a thief by the name of Maxwell, the other by a fencer by the name of Russell! Oh no!

Of course, now is break time for bullies, so they meet again in their room (where there are no Mizer clothes, mind you).

"Hello, new recruit. How was your day?"

"Shut up, Cruz, or I'll kill you with my almighty MASK!"

"Oh no! He has a mask! Everybody, run for your lives!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" Durant threw a rock at them from his room across the hallway. He hit the both of them. 100 points for the knight.

"Okay..."

It's the end of the Mad Hunter Adventures. See ya next chapter!

--

2106 words. Damn, I'm getting lazy... And I'm getting sidetracked, this shouldn't be named Illiteration any longer. It's more like... Annoying thing that makes you laugh because of the randomness, or something like that. Is the rating even alright?

I've been caught up with school and family issues. Damn it! But now it's chapter 3, and I hope chapter 4 will come soon.

Same disclaimer as chapter one, people. Now bye bye.


	4. Chapter 4

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading[featuring Crack!Ficness, Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 04

--

A yawn.

It had been a week since Gulcasa had arrived Paltina, meaning he should be leaving in a while. Towards Flarewerk and his sick sister.

With Milanor.

"Why me, Brongaa, why me!"

It wasn't that he hated him. In fact, he had named him ambassador, meaning he couldn't hate him. He liked Milanor up to some point, but there were some times when he was just too weird. Even for Gulcasa.

And Gulcasa himself had claimed and accepted it, he was weird.

But Milanor was weirder.

There was a knock on his door.

"Oi, Gulcasa, you awake? We are leaving after lunch so hurry up!"

"Whatever you say, Wolf."

"Shut up you berserk Dragon."

"When you two are done fighting, get dressed and come here…"

"Yes Kylier."

That was an almost everyday discussion. Milanor would knock on the door, tell him (the Emperor; his Emperor!) to hurry up, then Gulcasa would talk back with a random statement about the Stray Thief's roots, Milanor would come back with another random statement about the Dragoon's roots, and then Kylier and Nessiah would interrupt.

And they obeyed.

And then…

"AGH! Not again! Milanor!" Gulcasa sat up, trying to kick away the thing that was 'attacking' him. "Milanor! Get you wolves a leash, damn it!"

…The wolves would randomly appear and dog-kiss him.

Dog-kiss.

HIM!

When Milanor appeared in the room with a grinning expression, the wolves got off and went to stand by their master.

"So, suggesting you go take a bath, dear Gulcasa. Or you will smell of dog all the day!"

"Curse you, thief. Curse you and your pets to hell."

And, as everyday at a quarter past 10 in the morning, he went to take a bath.

--

Emilia sat on her bed, playing with Nietzsche, who had randomly arrived a few days ago. It had gone like this.

"_EMILIA! Hello, Nietzsche heard you were sick, so she came to visit you!"_

"_Nietzsche, please, Emilia is really ill…"_ That was Aegina.

"_Yeah, you might get sick too!"_ That was Luciana.

"_You brought cookies?"_ A sickly Emilia.

"_Yep! Rosary made them for Nietzsche and Emilia!"_

"_ALRIGHT!" _A not-sick Emilia.

"…_Note to self, Emilia gets cured with cookies."_ And that Nessiah.

And that was it! As easy as that! Now, the Undine was in a pool besides Emilia's bed, and the Scarlet Princess was still in pajamas, but who cared!

Outside the room, the twins were crying their hearts out.

"GULCASA IS SO GOING TO KILL US!"

--

Elena woke up from her almost-twelve-hours sleep. She hadn't slept much the night before last night, because Milanor kept muttering about random weirdness, so she had slept long and lazily this one, without anybody waking her up. Maxwell was standing guard before her door.

She got out of bed carefully, since last night she had just thrown the clothes around, and took the mint caramel on her bed table.

"Good morning, world."

"'Lena, you awake already?"

"Good morning, Milanor. How has your day been?"

"…" The thief went inside and closed the window he had been latching on to. "Besides getting beaten by Gulcasa… again? Fine. Get dressed."

He looked away and handed her some casual clothes, blushing at her semi-nakedness. Elena quickly got dressed and tied her hair back. She sat on the bed to tie her shoes.

"So, where to today?"

"I was thinking a weaponsmith. Maybe you can get her a new crossbow or claw."

"Thanks, Milanor. I'll make sure to get back before lunch. Now…"

"I KNOW!"

Milanor left the room through the window, evading random arrows shot at him. Why did Elena have to be so cruel! He was going to study, really, he was!

--

"Good morning, sleepy-head."

"Morning to you too, bratty rebel."

"I'm not bratty."

"Yes, you are."

Late morning light shone through the window of our mad hunters, revealing two male forms in a single bed. One was covering himself with the blankets; the other was trying to take it away.

Mizer wasn't going to give up on his sleep time so easily.

"Go to hell and let me sleep…"

"Never. We leave for Bronquia today."

"Emperor and all?"

"Emperor and all."

"Damn."

That was enough. The green-haired hunter sat up and got out of bed, dragging his blanket with him. Cruz chuckled madly at the expression he got when he arrived his drawer.

"What on- Where are my clothes, damn it!"

"They were stolen, don't you remember?"

"…Curse it all to hell." Said that, Mizer proceeded to take another set of Assassin's clothes to get dressed.

Somebody was going to pay for that…

--

Russell and Roswell weren't much better than the two up there. They had recently realized that they were leaving with Milanor today, and panicked. Both for different reasons.

"Oh, dear Gods, the wolves… The food… The wolves are eating our rations!"

"What if Flone decides to message here… Oh, what should I do…"

As you may see, they are both a bit insane.

--

Leaving with Milanor, something that happened every three months or so since the thief decided to go alone with his personal escort most of the time, meant total chaos in the whole castle.

Total, mad, insane chaos.

Yggdra went insane over the papers she had to read and sign ("I must see all of you off! I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't!"), Rosary over her sweet making ("Remember to give these to Emilia, and these to the twins. These go for Leon and Maxwell, and these are Eudy's. Remember to eat your own in company, they taste bad alone."), Durant had to finish training early ("Unacceptable, my Queen. The trainees slacking off, it's such a disgraceful sight…") and everybody in the castle was busy preparing to seeing the group off. And to get a few weeks of peace.

Milanor-less Paltina equals peaceful Paltina.

The party consisted of the Bronquian Ambassador and Fantasinian Minister/FSS Commander, Milanor the Silver Wolf and his escort, consisting of Kylier (to see Nessiah), Maxwell (to see Leon), Elena (to see Zilva and Leon), Saezer, Vanessa and Inzaghi (taking care of/mocking Milanor). Then came some random soldiers of the Royal Amry, to denote official-ness. Mizer, Cruz, Russell, Roswell and other nameless guys.

In this special case, we will add Gulcasa.

Joy.

--

Milanor stared at the three books sitting in front of him. They were mocking him, that was clear.

"Why do I have to take this with me, huh?"

"Because you have to study at Bronquia too."

"Curse it all to hell."

"Hey, I live there." Vanessa, sitting in the shelf, was having the time of her life annoying Milanor while polishing her nails. "It isn't that bad."

"You live in a weird dimension, not hell." The thief took the books on his hands, testing the weight. "Oi, Saezer."

"Yes?" The wind demon appeared randomly besides both of them, bowing in his greenness.

"Carry this for me?"

"Sure." The almighty demon took the books, gave one to Vanessa, and vanished.

"What the-! How dare he give it to me!" Said that, the seductress vanished too.

Milanor blinked after his card's manifestations and decided to let it go for the moment. Now it was time to get ready, not to pursue random romance gossips about a demonness and a green beast.

…

Eww…

Shaking the horrible mental image off his mind, the thief proceeded to hit his head hard against his desk.

--

Inzaghi yawned as he made his way through the hallways, looking for Milanor. At this time on a normal day, he would be outside playing with the wolves, but today they left, meaning he was in his room.

"Good morning, baby." Indeed, here he was. Hitting his head against the desk. "Why are you hitting your head against the desk?"

"Ugh…" The thief held his head and looked at the blonde fencer. "Vanessa."

"Oh." Everyone knew how Vanessa was, so it was understable. "I'll go throw myself on your bed."

"Go ahead, but don't be mad when I fall on you."

"Sure thing."

Said and done, Inzaghi laid lazily in the really big bed. He himself still hadn't gotten used to living in luxury and Milanor was already exploiting it. Was this how Bronquians were?

"AGH!" The blonde yelled when he felt something heavy on him. The thief had fallen. "Why must you hit your head…"

"I felt like it. Wake me up when it is lunchtime."

"Sure thing." Inzaghi sighed. His King was exactly like a baby.

--

Yggdra had been dozing off on random lesser papers when Durant entered.

"My Queen?"

"Hm?" La Pucelle raised her head and blinked at her knight. "What time-?"

"Time for lunch, m'lady. The Milanor is leaving today."

"…"

"…"

"Is Milanor a thing now, Durant?"

"I wanted to say Minister. My apologies."

--

Gulcasa stepped into the garden, holding hands with Yggdra. This would be their last day they saw each other until Russell's wedding.

"Yggdra… With this kiss I say goodbye." The redhead leaned in and kissed her lips softly and shortly.

"You are such a romantic…" Yggdra hugged him and laid her head in his chest. "I wish you a nice travelling."

"Tch, with Milanor nothing is nice." Gulcasa smiled and returned the hug, burying his face in her hair.

And, sitting from a tree, Milanor watched frowning. They weren't married yet; they shouldn't be touching each other. It was just WRONG!

"Jealous?" Vanessa whispered in his ear, hugging him from behind. (The author is a huge fan of CardManifestation/Character… not really). "Do you, perhaps… Like Yggdra?"

"I haven't felt attracted to a female body in ages, Vass." He whispered back, making sure to not interrupt the lovers' interaction some metres away. "She is like a sister to me."

"Said the one who commited suicide."

"I won't kill myself for her, Vass." _Though I may for I- What on earth am I thinking! Kylier! Yes, I would for Kylier! _"Besides, those two look good together."

"Hm… If you say so. By the way, watch out, you're falling."

Milanor landed on his feet, stood and turned around. He didn't feel like being the happy watcher in a romantic novel.

--

Inzaghi yawned while giving an order, making the wolf jump him with intentions of attacking. They hated it when sleepy people gave them orders.

"I'm sorry! I won't do it again!" He held his hands up to his face, trying to keep Loniare away from his eyes. He loved to bite eyes, and had proved it quite some times too. "I'm so- ELENA!"

"Loniare, please come and help me here." The calm voice of the Assassin spoke in godly tones. The wolf went to her, listening to her orders quietly.

"Tch-" Inzaghi sighed in disappointment and called Acracia over to help him.

Having wolves to help you carry the supplies. Useful, but dangerous.

Never do it at home, kids.

--

AAAAAND sorry it took so long. I was busy with school, y'know… I'm really sorry. But here, a list of summaries to see what should I write besides this. I can't center my energy in just one story. As you can see below, I LOVE Milanor

**Full Moon Eclipse**(crappy title)

Riviera/Yggdra Union, AU, Romance (yaoi, yuri and het up to some level), Humor (a little), Adventure (because). Would be my first serious fic. Centers around the Silver Moon, a forged faction (Milanor, Ledah, Malice, Mizer (xD), Hector, Nessiah and a few more, all of them are of different races) in a destroyed world, and its struggles to remain out of the line of fire between the four main races (Dragons of Bronquia, Human/Phoenixes of Fantasinia, Gods of Asgard, Sprites of Riviera). Of course, that isn't exactly possible. Lot's of senseless seriousness in this one.

**Welcome, may I take your order?** (another crappy title)

Another Riviera/Yggdra Union, AU, crack!fic, Romance (Yaoi, Yuri, Het), Humor (crackhumor) and a bar/café/restaurant. Summary: "The people at Asgard don't lead easy lifes, what with working at the best bar/café/restaurant in the whole Riviera, where sane is insane and weird is normal!

**Wild Child**

Yggdra Union, Adventure, humor (little bit), romance (a bit). Could be my first serious fic. In which Antique-chan shows her view of Milanor's past. Really AUish. Summary: "In Bloodice, a ragion in Bronquia, there is a certain temple. The son of the priestess and a wind demon, Wild Child Milanor, leaves after the massacre that stole away from him his happiness. In his way to be normal, he meets lots of insane people. Flarewerk, Lost Aries, Karona, Paltina, Norn Valley… Oh Gods." A Wild Child is a human with animal qualities. No more asking. Riviera characters decide to take a walk in this one!

**Outlaw King**

Sequel to Wild Child. Once again, cameos from Riviera. Summary: "Milanor wants to be the best thief of them all. For that, he will need help of his wolves, two Vanhir, some of his fellow Wild Children, a lazy effeminate pre-teenager and… a stronghold. Watch a 7 years old rise to the throne!" And hilarity.

**Because humans are human!**

Yggdra Union, crackish. Ever Card Manifestation has different opinions on each character. Shall we read them?

**Silver Moon: The past that haunts us all** (Once again with the Silver Moon… I'm falling into additction)

Yggdra Union, Romance and a tint of humor, adventure (?). Summary: "When it all started, it was her and me. Of course, it all changed when we found the blonde sword wielder…" Crappy summary. Another past fic.

THERE! Comment, give ideas, anything! I need to know cries


	5. Chapter 3110

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading[featuring Crack!Ficness, Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 31.10

--

It was the last day of October! Oh, well, two days before it. But it was near! The o' so sacred holiday when one received candy or tricked people… for free!

Of course, this day was almost custom made for some people, we all knew that. And THAT was mostly true for some really cheerful thieves who go by the name of…

Milanor the Silver Wolf, Kylier the Sky Lady, Inzaghi the Mercenary, Mizer the Thunder, Maxwell the Bird… and Leon the Black Knight. Yes, he is no thief, but he liked Halloween just as much.

So, what is people's opinion on the subject? Let's go ask!

Milanor sat up from wherever he was sitting, throwing the costume he had been sewing aside. Acracia came immediately to pick it and put it by the table. How did the horse-size wolf move so easily in the room, only he knows.

"Very well, I shall go gather random info about Halloween costumes. Wanna come?" He spoke in his own language, not really wanting anyone to discover what he was planning. The wolf shook his head and went back to Milanor's bed.

The human wolf (not logical) shrugged and jumped through the window. Gotta love windows.

--

Kylier and Nessiah slipped into their random room in the Manor. Since they were back at Norn, it was just logical she used her room together with her 'twin'. Mizer hadn't been happy, but that was besides the point.

They both sat on their respective beds, setting Ed in his own. Staring at each other for what seemed an eternity, Kylier spoke.

"So, any bright ideas, genious? I'm tempted to ask you to turn me into a griffon, but that won't do."

"It would be easy, but not very original."

"You're going as Hector, right?"

"Ah, yes, as a parody of him. I'll see what I can do with a pink glossy dress."

"Oh, my."

"Pink indeed…"

"Eudy."

"What?"

"I go as Eudy and we are set."

"Excellent. Now let's begin!"

Yes, they are… rather insane.

--

Yggdra and Mizer were currently at Norn's biggest town. It was the only town in there, in fact: most 'towns' were just groups of houses put together with nothing else.

Why were they here? Well, to get supplies and shoes, in Mizer's case. They were going to stay in the Outlaw Kingdom of Norn, they needed something to live with. It didn't help having the King with them. Not at all.

"So, why is everybody so excited?" Yggdra looked around her. There were pumpkin, bats, spider webs and other things and decorations, and children ran around dressed more weirdly than ever. It was a new sight for the Queen.

"Eh?" Mizer looked at her, surprised. Had she really never- "Have you never heard of Halloween?"

"Hall-o-win? A Hall for wins? Why is that? Who won what?"

"Eh…" The bounty hunter resisted the urge to smack her. Really, she was so… "Halloween is a Nornian and Vanir (?) tradition. Well, it was Bronquian but came to Fantasinia, was adopted by us Outlaws, taken to Norn and to Lost Aries some decades ago. Now nobody celebrates it anymore outside of those two places."

"I see… What is celebrated?"

"The harvest, the resting of the death... Inzaghi knows more about it, go ask him."

"I believe I shall do that. Sounds like an interesting tradition! And everybody looks so happy!"

Mizer sighed and decided to leave La Pucelle to her muttering.

--

Inzaghi, to put it bluntly, was currently bored. Out-of-his-mind bored. There was something horribly alluring about going to annoy Milanor, but better not. They were too close to Halloween, it was dangerous to even greet him.

"Kage? You awake?" The blonde, effeminate mercenary rolled on the bed and stared at the wolf. He had whispered, hoping nobody else in the room, if there was anyone, would hear him. "Kage?"

Kurokage, the wolf with the most unoriginal name on earth, opened his eyes and blinked at his partner, blind eyes staring unseeingly. He let out a yawn before stretching wherever he was lying.

"Ah, there you are. Wanna do something?" Inzaghi blinked back at the wolf, throwing a pillow at him. "Wanna know something sad? I was thrown out my own room…"

Kage shrugged. EVERYBODY knew Milanor didn't want anyone to know what he would be going as at the Halloween festival. If he felt like kicking out his roommate, then go Milanor. 'It does make you wonder what he will go as… So mysterious…'

…Blind wolves are smart wolves, people.

--

TWO DAYS WENT BY QUICKLY. Too fast for anyone to notice. Fear the flow of time, pathetic mortals! Fear it!

"Who made Brongaa the narrator?"

"The author."

Authoress!

"Shut up, Brongaa."

And now, a pathetic interlude. I was walking down the street in Hell one day, when I met the Master Wind Demon, Sora. He is quite an annoying guy, if you ask me. Really creepy. He jumps on you, hugs you, kisses you, and then, when you're less expecting it… ZAZ! Your wallet is gone.

"No wonder his son turned like this."

"Gulcasa…"

"Yes, Milanor?"

"Shut it."

And, yes, Sora is Milanor's father. He kissed me, Gulcasa's ancestor. Doesn't it give you any ideas?

It probably doesn't.

--

EHEM! As I was saying, two days went by really quickly for our heros. At town, the preparations for the festival were complete. Yggdra, Rosary and Nietzsche had already learned what the celebration was about, and were now preparing the candy to give away. Russell and Roswell had begun the ritual to scare children using real skeletons, while Durant tried to stop them. Mizer and Cruz had disappeared somewhere after saying they wished to 'feel the child spirit'. Nessiah and Kylier were getting ready for the night. Emilia was trying to convince Gulcasa to come out, Eudy, Elena and the twins were setting up a stand in the Manor, and Maxwell and Leon were… somewhere.

Did we miss somebody? Ah, yes.

Milanor and Inzaghi were locked in their room, preparing for their grand entrance. The Manor had been decorated to be used as a haunted house for children, since it was in such a scary place and all. What were Inzaghi's ancestors thinking when they built it there, nobody knows. The wolves were currently helping Elena place candy in random places.

"So, how do we get out here?"

"Easy, Inzaghi, dearest. Through the window."

"You're kidding. But how will we manage to do it without anybody seeing us?"

"Wolves are set as distraction, we have Vanessa and Saezer in our hands. As easy as eating bread."

"Yeah, guess so…"

Without anymore though, both of them jumped through the windows, costume and all. Too bad those are fake, Inzaghi…

--

Vanessa, Brongaa, Saezer and Sora, currently at wherever the card manifestations are when they are not out, were looking at the Nornian festival in amazement.

"They do such things… for our day?" Saezer.

"Looks like they do. Aren't they cute?" Vanessa.

"Tch. Stupid mortals, they should all burn to ashes." …Doesn't need an explanation.

"Brongaa, that's enough." Peacemaker Tet- Sora. Getting out series here.

"So, what does Halloween mean, anyways?" Vanessa again.

"For us? WE celebrate the existence of live. Humans go for the end of harvest, the rest of the dead, the rising of magic waves… To tell you the truth, I don't know any longer. So many meanings for just one day…" Sora leaned against Brongaa, his ears twitching. "To me, it's just a day for free candy. Trick or treat, Brongaa?"

"Go die, wolf."

--

Finally! It was finally here, the moment everyone was expecting! Midnight! Where everybody would be gathering, children, adults and elders, to receive the Gods blessing over their lives and fields. Where are our heroes?

"Leon, I really don't believe this is a good idea."

"Calm down, Maxwell. You'll see. The mayor won't know what hit him!"

"But I heard this year, the Queen and the Emperor themselves were the ones blessing!"

"Outlaws bend their knee to nobody, Max."

"You serve the emperor."

"You serve the demons."

"You got me there. Let's do this."

From somewhere in the trees, Vanessa listened intently. 'What are you planning, Black Bird?' And, after a few seconds: 'Can I join in?'

--

Milanor, Outlaw King, and Inzaghi, supposedly Norn's mayor, were currently giving their last minute advice to the Queen and the Emperor, supposedly the Gods' body on earth. Usually, they were the ones giving a random speech a few minutes before midnight, but Yggdra needed to get used to giving them.

"Alright, don't get too nervous." Inzaghi gave Gulcasa the mayor's cane.

"Keep your hands to yourself." Milanor gave Yggdra the priest staff. "You don't know when one will attack you to get gold."

"Very well, we shall be seeing you." Inzaghi turned around and left, his black wings flapping behind him. Gotta love Nessiah.

"Good luck." Milanor followed his roommate, grabbed the fakes Einherjar and Lorelei and waved goodbye to the Queen.

When they were both outside, door closed and nobody within hearing range, they chuckled. 'Let the show begin.'

Saezer sighed from the branch he was sitting on. What a troublesome Moon.

--

Eudy and a pink, blind Hector walked down the street, meeting up with Ecthel and Ledah in the way. Kylier whispered at Milanor, quickly.

"Maxwell and Leon are waiting for orders. Russell and Roswell will set the skeletons free soon. Rosary and Eudy's candy should be taking effect. Mizer is nowhere to be seen."

"Thank you, Sky Lady."

With that said, the pairs parted their ways.

--

Sora and Brongaa watched the mortal world without blinking. Vanessa and Saezer had gone to live it first handed, but they had stayed to watch. Now, what would happen?

Gulcasa and Yggdra were currently talking to the Nornians, calling for the Gods' to bless their land. It was a new experience for both of them, meaning they were awkward. Then, all of sudden…

"NECRO GATE!"

…Milanor's plan was put into action.

--

Yggdra stared, scared, at all the rising skeletons. They were rising from the ground! Like-Like a battle was coming! The children were acting weird too: their eyes had suddenly gone blank and they were disabling their parents.

"Gu-Gulcasa!?"

"Yggdra!" Gulcasa wrapped and arm around the Queen and held her close to himself, using the cane to keep the skeletons away. He could see Russell and Roswell, along with a laughing Durant and a pink Nessiah controlling the skeletons. Somehow.

'Trick.'

The voice resounded in the town, echoing, repeating itself, bouncing on the walls. Gulcasa felt the need to chop someone's head off. 'Leon!'

Then, all of sudden, rained light and candy. 'What the-!?'

--

'Or Treat.'

Maxwell's voice accompanied Leon's in the echoing. Kylier began dropping the candy and sweets she had, along with Emilia, Rosary, Eudy, Mizer, Cruz and Inzaghi (who was, somehow, flying.) The wolves too, must have heard the order, since they started running around the festival zone, spilling the candy in the bags they had.

One by one, the skeletons dissolved into candy some, pumpkins others, bats anothers. All the children had recovered conscience, but still held their parents down, watching amazed the sight before them.

Nessiah, Brongaa and Sora spoke in hushed tones as Saezer threw chocolate around with his wind.

"So, what was the plan?" That was Sora.

"To tell you the truth, no idea. Apparentely, Milanor wanted Gulcasa to have fun and Yggdra to experience her first Halloween in a shocking manner."

"So, it is all the wolf's fault."

"Don't insult my son like that, dragon."

"Could you two stop fighting, please?"

--

Elena, Aegina and Luciana blinked. Vanessa had randomly appeared besides them and stopped them in their light throwing business. She dragged them off, somewhere.

Leon and Maxwell, along with Nietzsche, were already waiting for them. This couldn't be good.

"Black Bird, and a fish, here. We need you for something." Leon spoke in an horribly un-Leon-ish way.

"Does it involve throwing light?"

"No, it involves this." Nietzsche lifted her hand, showing the fluffy thing on it. The twins and the Assassin smiled. Interesting indeed.

--

Milanor appeared besides Yggdra and Gulcasa, grabbing the priest staff from the ground. Inzaghi landed from the candy throwing business, flapping his wings, and grabbed the mayor's cane.

"So, dear." Milanor lifted the staff and motioned dramatically to the scene of children eating candy in the company of the remaining skeletons. "How was your first Halloween?"

"I-I-" Yggdra didn't know what to say. When Milanor had waved the staff, pink snow had started falling! She took one and ate it. It was sweet! "I don't know what to say."

The raining cotton candy continued. Gulcasa smiled at it and chuckled. "So, everybody was involved in this?"

"Aye, they were." Inzaghi stepped in, motioning to the townsfolk. "Except them."

They looked happy, having cotton candy raining down on them. Milanor looked up, and saw a breeze of wind helping to carry the sweet cotton. Smiling, he stepped forward and addressed 'his' people.

"TRICK OR TREAT, PEOPLE! HOPE YOU HAD A NICE HALLOWEEN!" His voice sounded all over the town, in everybody's ears.

It was midnight.

--

**OMAKE**

Brongaa and Sora, one in the sky carrying the cotton candy fairies and the other in ground helping said candy reach their destinations, sighed simultaneously. 'Why must we help these stupid HUMANS!'

--

HERE! The Halloween special for ILLITERATION! Which is late, very late, because I lost inspiration midways. I'm starting the X-Mas, New Year and V-Day right now, alright. Stupid block. THIS sucks because of it. Stupid thing.

Yes, I completely forgot the chant for Necro Gate, so I'll leave it like that. Don't sue. Speaking about sue-ing, I don't own Yggdra Union or Peacemaker Kurogane. Cotton candy belongs to the awesome person who created it.

Fear the random Gulcasa/Milanor hint in the pathetic interlude (as told by Brongaa). And the random OC/Brongaa that I threw in. Gotta love Sora.

Hope you liked it! The next chapter will be up soon (we hope…)


	6. Chapter 5

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading[featuring Crack!Ficness, Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 05

--

"Good bye! Please take care!" Yggdra yelled and waved good-bye at the Minister and his escort, who were already walking through the city gates, wolves and dragon included.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Milanor, having heard the call, replied lowly. He put his hands behind his head, leaning on Acracia's back. He was lying on the silver wolf, preparing to take a nap.

"You should reply, y'know, she cares about you." Maxwell was quick to answer, looking inside his bag. There were cookies there, and he was hungry. But he would have to wait until nightime. Damn it!

"She is used to him not replying. Oi, baby, you asleep already?" Inzaghi chuckled lowly. Milanor hated it when he called him baby or Milly in public. He was going to snap in two… one…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BABY!"

"Not you, actually. Klia." The fencer pointed at Maxwell's arms, where the wolf pup was yawning. He had been referring to Milanor, but, oh well…

"Inzaghi, if you would be so kind as to stop teasing Milanor… I would be really glad." Kylier spoke! So early on the journey, and Kylier, oh sacred lady, had already spoken!

"…Loniare, bite off their eyes." Elena spoke softly, ordering the wolf to do what it liked most. Said wolf almost jumped, but one glance from Acracia was enough to stop him. Klia and Ed watched the interaction carefully, trying to learn.

"Ed, don't stare. It's unpolite." The griffon rider patted her griffon's head, and said animal went back to his snuggle.

Mizer, walking besides between Cruz and Akira, sighed. Not five minutes out of Paltina, and already with meaningless chatter. If he bad didn't remember, the Emperor was with them, they shouldn't be acting so… childish.

"…Can we eat now?"

"…You had lunch an hour ago, Maxwell, birdie." Inzaghi laughed in a pleasant voice. Must be fun being the oldest in the ex-Silver Moon… He was the only one with the rights to call most of them by nicknames.

"Inzaghi…"

"Yes, dear?"

"Shut up." Milanor groaned. This was going to be a long, long journey.

--

Gulcasa, in the meanwhile, was having a rather hard time accepting what he was seeing. He and Ishtar seemed to be the only sane ones in this mad world. I mean, anyone would be confused by seeing… that.

Milanor was lying on a wolf. Bigger than him, the head of the wolf was around Ishtar's head height. And the wolf didn't seem to mind at all.

He HAD seen Acracia before, alright. The wolf was huge, like a horse. But he hadn't actually thought that Milanor would ride him. Sure, the brat snuggled to the wolf when he was cold, but to ride him was just… weird.

"What is the world coming to…" He muttered under his breath. Unfortunately, Mizer heard him and lagged back with Akira.

"You mean the wolves?"

"Yeah…"

"Never been to Bloodice? Quite a nice place, they have giant everything!"

"…Birds?"

"Maxwell mounted one in the past. A nice bird, but scary thing to feed."

It was decided, then. The Silver Moon (disbanded) was probably the insanest, otherworldliest thief gang in the world.

--

"EMILIA!" Nietszche jumped on the bed, getting water everywhere, but Emilia somehow managed to NOT get wet. Say miracle, or Brongaa's blood. Either way works.

"Hello, Nietszche! How're you!?" Emilia glomped the Undine, spilling milk all over the bed, but still SOMEHOW managing to stay clean.

"Very well, thank you, yourself!? OH! I heard your brother is coming back! Is that true!? Is Nessiah with him!? I want to see NESS!"

"YES! Nessiah is COMING! When did he leave, anyways!? Such a creepy guy! Always disappears to random places!"

"OH MY! Does that mean that Ness LOVES Gulcasa!?"

"IT PROBABLY DOES!" Both girls squealed. Apparentely, sugar high makes you a fangirl. Except on Yggdra… then it makes her a Justice-er.

"Girls, please-" Luciana tried to calm them down, but only managed to get a piece of the Black Maria on her face.

"It's no use, Luciana… Let's sit down and cry for Nessiah to save us." Aegina took the cloth and threw it back to Emilia.

"Yeah, le-"

"PLAY WITH US!"

In the far off distance, Leon snickered evilly at the terrorized scream that came from the Scarlet Princess' room. Music to his ears.

--

We already heard that Nessiah had left, right? Now, where is he? Let's check.

"And you had to go search for him? Was he really so childish when he was five?"

"Yes, he was. But he was quite a cutie, too. You looked at him and you kind of died of the sparkles." Sora sobbed, covering some fake tears with his hand. "I-I want to go back to those years…"

Apparentely, Nessiah is collecting blackmail material for Milanor. Oh my god, this could be bad.

--

Milanor sneezed. _'Someone must be talking about me…' _And, what do you do when someone is talking about you?

"Saezer! Go see where that guy is!"

Ask your minions/card manifestations to help you, of course! How did Milanor know WHO was talking about him, is a good question.

"…You are talking alone… again." Gulcasa brought Ishtar besides Acracia and stared at Milanor with an expression that said: 'I don't want to be near the insane, go away.'

"WRONG! I'm talking to Saezer! Don't you ever talk to Brongaa?"

"Eh… No?"

"Then you are an ANTI-SOCIAL! You should try talking to Brongaa once… He's quite annoying."

"How do YOU know how Brongaa is!?"

"Eh… Let's not go there."

"…Freak."

"….Bastard."

"ENOUGH, YOU TWO!"

"YES M'LADY!" Both Milanor and Gulcasa stood straight and saluted Kylier, while everybody else laughed. Honestly, they were both such cowards…

--

NIGHTIME! It came too early for Gulcasa. They had been travelling all day, not stopping until sundown. And now they had lit a fire, sat in a circle, and were currently sharing dinner.

"Milanor, pass the cookies!" Maxwell threw a rock at the spaced out Stray Thief. Said thief stared at the rock blankly, not even noticing there was blood on his face.

…

"MILANOR! What in Marietta's name are you DOING!" Kylier exploded, flames in background and all. And it was understable. Milanor was just sort of… staring at nothingness… with a blank look on his face.

Gulcasa blinked at the weirdo before going back to his tea. There was something really weird about being in this party.

Speaking about party, I believe most of them have been silent. Let's see who we have. Milanor, Inzaghi, Kylier, Maxwell, Mizer, Cruz, Gulcasa… Elena, Russell, Roswell… the wolves and Ishtar. Oh, and Ed. I believe that's all? Let's add Nessiah.

'_And I could tell Gulcasa of your relationship with Brongaa, and then it would be ALL OVER! Ain't I just a little too evil for your liking, Half Demon Milanor!?'_

'_You wouldn't, would you? You wouldn't be SO evil as to ruin my semi-perfect human life… out of JEALOUSY!?'_

'_Hey, you have a loving, doting father. I don't. Please allow me to ruin your life.'_

'_NO WAY! I won't let that happen! Saezer, Vanessa, attack him!'_

'_Hah! I have locked them up with my chains of DOOM! Beware!'_

'_NOOOOOO!'_

'_Yes, Milanor. I'm your worst nightmare.' _And he finished with an evil mad laughter and cut the mental connection. Milanor fell forwards, being quickly caught by Inzaghi, and started shivering. Nessiah could be quite mean when he wanted to.

"Nuh- I dun wanna- Don't let him come here- Don't-" He grasped Inzaghi's hair, yanking on it. Having fun?

"O-Okay, okay! Stop pulling, damn it, that hurts!"

"I wish Rosary had given me a camera… This is too hilarious to let through." Mizer covered his face with his Assassin mask and laughed. It wasn't every day you saw Milanor acting like a baby.

"But I wonder what happened…" Roswell took another piece of orange to his mouth, his free hand keeping said orange away from Maxwell.

"Inzaghi, the COOKIES! And he probably got blackmailed by Vanessa or something like that. Don't worry about it!" This time, Maxwell threw a rock at Inzaghi, who used his helm to deflect it towards Kage, who hit it towards Discor who decided to eat it.

Yes, eat it.

Gulcasa sighed. What came next?

--

"BRONGAA!" Sora jumped on the Dragon. Nessiah came through the door a few seconds later, chuckling at the scene. "Brongaa, Brongaa, Brongaa, BRONGAA! Your descendant is bullying Milly AGAIN! Tell him to stop!"

"Even if I tried to stop him, he wouldn't obey. Heck, he wouldn't even hear. Stupid humans and their stupidly low sixth sense…" Brongaa turned around and kicked the humanized wolf away, quickly drawing out his scythe. "And don't come here unless it is urgent. Didn't your son teach you any manners?"

"But, BRON-GAA!" Sora's ears pressed themselves against his head and fake tears gathered on his eyes. "What would I tell Minlya? That her son is being bullied by the Emperor, and he can't do anything because the Emperor is too much of a pervert to let him go?"

"…She's dead, and Gulcasa is not a pervert."

"Yes he is!" Sora sobbed. "A pervert with such a bad direction sense that he gets lost in the girls' hotsprings!"

"Alright I have had ENOUGH!" Brongaa attacked with a swing of his scythe. Sora quickly blocked with the Silver Fang. Yes, Milly has the Moon, he has the Fang, leave them alone.

"But Brongaa! If you attack me, who- who will take care of Milly!?"

"He is freaking seventeen already." Brongaa sent a wave of Genocidal flames at the Master Wind Demon as he blocked the cutting wind that was sent his way. "Get out of my HOUSE, DAMN YOU!"

"B-But that's not enough! Bron-gaaaaaaaa!" Sora whined, cutting through the flames.

Nessiah just had to laugh. Two of the strongest inhabitants of Hell, fighting over nothingness. What an amazing sight.

--

"Good night."

"Night."

"Sleep tight."

"…"

"Night wolves, night Inzaghi."

"Good night, Milanor."

"You too are too specific! Make everyone feel the love!"

"Just shut up, Maxwell." Elena threw her shoe to her brother's friend before curling up next to Loniare.

Yep, you guessed right. They are finally going to sleep. And, of course, Inzaghi and Milanor ignored everybody else and just say good night to each other. And Maxwell just had to jump into with his Sora-like attitude and spread the love.

Two hours later, everone was asleep, so Milanor stood and went over to Kage, Acracia following swiftly behind. The Stray Thief kneeled by Inzaghi's head, who lifted his blanket, and Milanor got between the wolf and its master.

He soon fell asleep, together with Inzaghi and two horse sized wolves. Can you feel the love tonight?

--

Fantasinia castle now. What can we say? Oh, yeah.

"I heard Russell left today?"

"Ah, yes, along with the Minister. And me, who had escaped traditions to come see him…" Flonne sighed deeply, sipping in her cup of tea.

"Men are such fools!" Yggdra took another cookie from the plate. "Gulcasa just confessed and now he left! What about my lovey-dovey time?"

"Calm down, Yggdra, calm down. I'm sure you will have plenty of time after you're married." Rosary wasn't even paying attention to them. She was just watching her cross-dressing-Mizer photos, some of which contained Cruz on them, so she was happy.

"Yeah, calm down, Yggdra! It isn't like he will die!"

"You will make sure of that? And of keeping Milanor safe?"

"Of course, my Queen. You can always count on Nessiah." Said Ancient bowed, quickly opening a link to Kylier.

_'What is it?'_

_'I will be arriving in a few minutes. Don't sleep.'_

_'Can't anyways. Inzaghi is calming Milanor-I-fear-being-alone-at-night right now.'_

_'Are they that loud?'_

_'No, but they are besides me.'_

_'Oh, I see. Pity you.'_

Both of them shared a mental, evil laugh, before closing the link.

--

Down at hell, Brongaa and Sora shivered. Whatever Nessiah was planning, wasn't good at all.

--

**DEMON FAMILY – I**

Four years old half demon Milanor wasn't the happiest person in the world. He hated his father, his mother and humans, specially Fantasinians. The only person he didn't hate was his father's half brother, who was, strangely enough, a dragon.

"Brongaa? You in there?"

"What is it, kid?"

"Can you tell me something about Bronquia?"

"No."

"But, Brongaa…"

"I said no. Now go back to sleep."

"Idiot."

Yes, he didn't hate him. Can't you feel the happiness in his words? Now, let's skip to something else.

"Say, Brongaa?"

"Eh?"

"How come you're a dragon?"

"Eh…"

"Your mother was a Wolf, right? Then, how come you're a dragon? Interspecies breedi-"

Brongaa was quick to put a hand over the kid's mouth. "Who-Who teached you that?"

"Dad."

The dragon felt the sudden urge to leave Milanor orphan. The silver haired wolf just looked as confused as ever, blinking blankly at Brongaa.

"SORAAAAAAAA!!" Uh, oh, this means danger.

--

Yeah, Demon Family is just a random thing I thought about in my semi-dead state. Makes no sense, and our dearest Brongaa is the only voice of reason on it. Minlya is busy being a priestess, Sora is a pervert/obsessive father and Milanor follows their footsteps. Poor guy.

BE ANNOYED!

I have one thing to say: I LOVE MILANOR'S VOICE! It sounds so childish and so… him! AAAH! I have fallen in love once again (is crying). Inzaghi's is too weird, but I still love him. Sounds like Durer… but then again, a lot of people sound like Durer to me. Stupid Enzai.

Gulcasa's is alright too. Kind of like what you would expect from a serious emperor, right? Yggdra's and Aegina's are too female for my liking. Don't like those kind of voices much, sorry. They're still nice. I wonder if they will give Mizer voice… I hope they do.

OMG I saw Milanor anime-ized. And I fainted. I also saw Inzaghi and Gulcasa, and Roswell and Mizer, and… I LOVE STING!

I CAN'T WAIT! I want my PSP, I want Saturday to arrive! I want January 28th to come tomorrow! So MAKE IT COME TOMORROW, DAMN! And I want to know Japanese by then. I'll go study now.

And that was my ranting on YGGPSP. Sorry for the lateness, once again. Gomen nasai! I hope I'm able to bring next chapter without a month delay or something like that…

Random data for this fic. ANIMALS

Edward/Ed: Griffon, Al's successor, currently a baby. Being raised by Kylier so she can continue being a Sky Lady (Griffon Rider).

Ishtar: Dragon, Gulcasa's. You know her, she was in the game, d'oh.

Acracia: Bloodice wolf, first generation, Milanor's. He is as big as a horse and is Milly's mount sometimes. Obeys both Inzaghi and the baby. He likes arms, so be careful!

Akira: Bloodice wolf, first generation, Milanor's/Mizer's. He was given to Mizer, but is officially one of Milanor's pack. Not as big as Acracia because he is a chibi.

Kurokage: Bloodice wolf, first generation, Milanor's/Inzaghi's. Just like Acracia, he serves as Inzaghi's mount sometimes. He is blind!

Discor: Bloodice wolf, first generation, Milanor's/Kylier's. The specially annoying wolf on the pack. Looks exactly like Acracia, but smaller, because they are twins.

Anyaya: Bloodie wolf, first generation, Milanor's. She is the only living female of the Bloodice wolves. Acted as Milly's mother in his travels.

Loniare: Mixed wolf, second generation, Milanor's/Elena's. He likes eyes.

Klia: Bloodice wolf, second generation, Milanor's/Maxwell's. Since Leon killed Maxwell's wolf, the daughter of Anyaya was given to him. Still a pup.


	7. Chapter 6

ILLITERATION!

A Yggdra Union Crack!Fic written by Eclipse Rose/Antartique

Watch everyone's frustrated attempts in trying to illustrate the illiterate in the fine art of reading[featuring Crack!Ficness, Gulcasa/Yggdra, Cruz/Mizer, Zilva/Elena and Inzaghi/Milanor (if that isn't crack, Eudy is Miss Universe!), an emo Astral Fencer, kleptomaniac Stray Thieves, fangirling-over-griffons Kylier and the monochrome roses!

CHAPTER 06

--

Well, here we are again. Watching over the fools as they ride towards Bronquia. Have they arrived yet? Of course not, d'oh, it takes about a week and something to get to Flarewerk from Paltina.

And, of course, Gulcasa was NOT happy.

Not at all.

Just ask Milanor.

"RISE AND SHINE!" And the King was suddenly hit by Prominence. "AGH! DON'T DO THAT!" Now he was hit by Salamandora. "Hey, hadn't I stolen that be- IT DOESN'T MATTER, THAT HURT!"

And thus started a battle between a semi asleep Emperor (with TWO freaking scythes taken out of nowhere) and an overly cheerful brat… King… Thief. Who was using a scythe'd axe.

Maxwell passed out the cookies.

And our PeaceMaker? She is too busy with Elena taking a bath. In a random, nearby river. Yes, they have those in Fantasinia. Or it could have also been made by Mirage, who knows. Yes, I forgot the name of the manifestation.

In times of no-Kylier, the one who usually controls these two is Yggdra, but she isn't here either, so it will have to be Roswell.

"Emperor, Minister, I would be very happy if you would just calm down and stop trying to kill each other now." He took out his copy of Necro Gate and brought near to his neck, holding it in a model-like maner. "Of course, it would be quite a problem if you killed each other. For the others, I mean. If it was me, we would still arrive safe at Flarewerk…"

That stopped both of them immediately. Roswell was creepy when he wanted to be. And, of course, Russell fell to the ground laughing, Mizer and Cruz were trying to breathe (not succeeding), Maxwell had gone for a Leon-like evil chuckle and the wolves were being wolves.

What happened? Well, you see, when Gulcasa and Milanor fight, they often go at full strength, meaning they are affected by inertia and all those physics laws nobody cares about. So, when they stopped, Milanor fell forward and on Gulcasa, who lost his balance mid-dodge. So, yeah, they are both sprawled on the ground, to the amusement of the whole party. Just wait till Leon knew, and, by the looks of it, he would.

Bad politics, guys? Fear. Dragons and wolves were never meant for each other.

Except for Sora and Brongaa, those guys are incestuous brothers, leave them alone.

--

In the random, nearby river, Nessiah was currently watching/hearing/weirding Kylier's nude body as she bathed, trying hard to not make fun of her. And he failed, of course.

"Are you sure you're seventeen? Quite small for your age, huh…"

"Oh, shut up, Ness. It isn't like I need to be any bigger. I'm a Griffon Rider, not a mace swinger or a stripper."

"Er…"

"Forget what I just said. But honestly, I like my body how it is."

"Are you sure? Because, I can tell you, Nietzsche will be way bigger than you when she grows up."

"She is an Undine. They are naturally big. It is their charm point."

"Yes, bu-"

"Would you please stop it? Hearing a male discussing size is just too weird to me, thank you very much." Elena called from behind the bushes, her voice sounding cold. Well, she was taking a bath in a freezing cold river. It was amazing how Kylier managed to keep her voice unbroken in such a cold water.

"…What about you, 'Lena? What do you think of Undines?" Kylier gave the washcloth back to Nessiah before diving on the water. Nessiah just watched with unseeing eyes.

"Sincerely, I believe you shouldn't be asking such things, considering there is a male present and a member of our group is an Undine herself."

"Don't spoil the fun, 'Lena!" The Griffon Rider, who somehow managed to hear underwater, swam over to wherever the Assassin was. Nessiah chuckled when he heard the yelp.

"What are you- Stop that, Lady Kylier!"

"I won't unless you stop with the 'Lady'!"

--

"So, is there anything you need?"

"YES! You finally heard me! I have a message from Maxwell, he asks you to have his room ready!" Vanessa on soul high. How many did you have today?

Leon was certainly tempted to ask her. Unfortunately, he was too busy fangirling over Maxwell coming. Well, not really… "Maxwell. He is coming."

"Yes!"

"With Milanor and the rest of the freaks."

"And the Emperor."

"Joyful. Simply and specially joyful."

--

"IYA!"

"HAH!"

"WEE!"

"HAH!" Pamela threw herself on Nietzsche, quickly being thrown back by Emilia's griffon. "Why won't you let me have the Undine!"

"Are you insane, old lady?" Emilia waved her maze at the pink haired witch, keeping an arm around Nietzsche, who had her spear at ready. "Nietchan is mine, not yours. I'm not giving her up! Ain't that right, Zilva?"

"…Sure."

"Hey, stop ruining the game!" Emilia waved her mace at Zilva now, clearly mad. As in, flames on the background mad.

"…This is not a game, Emilia…" Nietzsche looked scared. Sure, it could be funny and all, but Pamela looked ready to kill today.

Not that she didn't look ready to kill any other day.

--

"Brongaa…" Silence. "Brongaa…" More silence. "Brongaa!" 'Get the idea already' silence. "CHIBI BROTHER!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" That made it, Brongaa snapped. He summoned his scythe and was ready to kill his oh so dear wolf of an older brother.

"Wee! He lives!" Sora ignored his brother's anger and sat on his lap, immediately calming him down because of the shock. "So, what do you think about Nessiah's plans?"

"What is he planning?"

"The authoress would like to know that too. Care to tell us?"

"I don't know."

Neither do I.

"Hello, Vanessa. Better of your cold?"

Yes, thank you very much!

"What the- She had a cold?"

"No, but she often gets a running nose after eating too many souls."

"Ah… I see…"

Sora, I would love you if you would stop spreading my personal facts around like they were yours.

"Sure, dear. Whatever you want."

"Two timer…"

"Minlya is dead! But if you are counting yourself, then I'm really sorry!"

"What the FCK!? GO TO HELL YOU HOMO BASTARD!"

"Nya…" Wolves don't 'nya', fool. "Whatever. Your descendant is homo too. For an Angel, nonetheless!"

"Gulcasa is not homo, specially not for Nessiah. If anything, it would be the other way around."

"Right, and Hector is my father."

"You sure act like him."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, CHIBI BROTHER!?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, DAMN IT!"

And so, we leave the two brothers in their space filling fight.

--

"What the- WHEN THE FCK DID YOU ARRIVE!?"

"Are, you're just like your uncle."

"That doesn't matter, just ANSWER THE FCKING QUESTION!"

"Yesterday, when you were too busy cuddling to Inzaghi, here."

"Hah, hah, hah. So funny, Nessiah, I could die of laughter."

"Of course."

"Now, do you mind leaving so my wolves can drink in peace?"

"No."

"Oh, c'mon, you little- It won't hurt you to stand up and go back to Kylier, y'know!"

Yep, Milanor and Nessiah fighting over randomness… again. Yes, they hate each other, that was for sure.

"Yes, it will. I have to stand, drag the chains all the way to the camp… they are heavy."

"Right… Just call Gulcasa, he can help you, right?"

"He is still sleeping. Besides, if he came here, he would probably get lost midways."

"True that."

…

"So, Kylier is really small…"

"WHAT THE- WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, PERVERT!"

--

Yggdra stared at Flonne, who stared at Rosary, who stared at Yggdra, and back on. Then the situation was reversed, Flonne stared at Yggdra, who stared at Rosary, who stared at Flonne. And then all three of them stared at the table.

And squealed.

"Thy fangirliness never ceases to amaze me, Queen." Marietta, from somewhere in the room, called.

There, in the table, was a puppy. Oh, but was it ANY puppy? Of course not, it was a Gulcasa puppy. Red hair, yellow eyes, scythe-like dog nails (what the heck are they called?)… Very creepy. But it had such big and bright puppy eyes, it was enough to make up for the creepiness.

Now, what was Marietta, of all the people, doing there? Only the Gods will ever know. Yes, not even Hector can know. But it is okay, we all hate Hector.

"Oh my God, that's so CUTE!" Flonne squealed in a really high pitched voice.

"No! It is more than cute! It is… It is… AH!" Yggdra forgot what she was going to say, and just glomped the puppy, who looked like he wanted to die.

"What are we going to call it? It can't stay without a name!"

"Let's name him…" Yggdra brought her hand to her lips and thought.

"Asch!" Rosary suddenly yelled, startling the other three females and the puppy.

"What? Why Asch?"

"Because the Authoress has been playing to much Tales of the Abyss lately and the puppy is red. Asch is red too."

"Ah. Then Asch is it!"

"WEE!" Marietta flung herself on Yggdra, stealing the puppy and flew away. "THY WILL NEVER CATCH ME!"

"NO!" Flonne yelled after her. Rosary just looked thoughtful for a few seconds before she raised her broom/staff/what the heck is that.

"This is the start of…"

"A new Adventure!" Yggdra took out her stick sword and pointed it at the window from where Marietta had fled. "To rescue Asch and stop the unsealing of… whatever! We must save the world again!"

"YESSIR!"

"Lady!"

"AGREED!"

And so, all three of them went outside, got horses and rode into the sunset… when it was midday? Okay…

--

BACK TO THE MIRAGE'D RIVER! Well, not really, they are already on the move. Milanor and Inzaghi on their wolves, Mizer and Cruz breathing, Gulcasa and his scythes on Ishtar, Kylier and Nessiah in the rear, whispering, Russ- Wait.

Kylier and Nessiah in the read, whispering. What does that phrase give you? Not quite a beautiful idea, if you ask me. Let's retell.

BACK TO THE MIRAGE'D RIVER! Well, not really, they are already on the move. Milanor, Inzaghi and Gulcasa on their mounts, shivering and fearing for their lives. Mizer and Cruz trying very hard to stay alive and conscious. Russell and Roswell trying to catch whatever the two mad rear guards where saying, and Elena trying to convince Maxwell into telling her just what had he done to des-insan-itize her brother. Somewhat.

Didn't miss anyone? Vanessa was flying far across the distance, Saezer was running in the spaces between us, and Brongaa was trying to kill that MP3 Sora had gotten, which kept on playing "The Heart Will Go On" or something like that.

We are crossing the fourth wall a bit, here. Too bad.

--

And this chapter was nothing productive, damn it. Curse all humans to hell.

"Brongaa, out of MY cubicle!"

Why should I? I have stolen the narrator's spot! So, a poll! Not really. I will just annoy the hell out of you, Vanessa.

"Oh, c'mon! I'M the narrator, not you! Now get out!"

Never!

--

I know Sora is nothing like Hector, but consider it an insult towards the world. To be told you are like Hector… I would kill whoever told me that.

Now, give me ideas for Nessiah's mad plans! I have no idea what is in his mind, damn it!

Shorter chapters from here on! I'm too lazy.


End file.
